Tips #19

When a boyfriend or girlfriend suggests that we consider dating other people, we've just had a reality check. Meaning, it's time to take a look at ourselves, to think about our relationship, and to consider whether our goals are compatible with our friend's. The relationship may not be over, but it is in trouble. This reality check should hit us hard, and make us pause before going forward. We must take time to evaluate what we have been doing in the past, to consider making changes in how we think and behave, and to review the goals that we have set for the future. Reality checks are painful, but we can't avoid them. A poor employment review, a bounced check, and a poor job interview are three additional examples of reality checks that most of us will experience in our lives. The way we deal with reality checks says a great deal about our maturity level. Unpleasant experiences, where we learn that we are not as perfect as we imagined ourselves to be, are often opportunities for growth. We need to seek ways to become better rather than to run away from our problems.

Mid-term grades are another kind of reality check. If at the mid-term, any instructor has reported that we have a D or an F, we need to do some serious evaluation of our past actions and our future goals. Most people do not like reality checks. That's understandable. We prefer to live in our own world, rather than the real world. So, we rationalize away the bad grades to avoid facing the facts. For example, we tell ourselves that not all of the grades were included when the scores were calculated (ignoring the fact that at some point we did certainly have a D or an F). We tell ourselves that everyone in the class is doing poorly (ignoring the fact that how everyone else in the class is doing will have no effect on our grade). We blame the teacher by saying that the teacher is boring or the tests are not fair or there are too few tests or the tests are the wrong kind of tests or there is no graded homework (ignoring the fact that we have to live with the conditions that are established by the teacher and that there is no place on the transcript which denotes what we perceive to be unfair). We may also think about how much time is still left in the term to improve our grades (ignoring the fact that the time we have spent so far has not produced a good result). When we get a reality check, we have to avoid making excuses and do some soul searching. We need to gather accurate information to figure out why we were doing badly. We should ask ourselves a number of questions:

How much have we been studying? --We often underestimate the amount of time that we need to be spending to learn.
Are we attending every class?--We often miss a class here and there and get behind, miss important information, or don't hear about due dates
Have we turned in all of our work?--A common cause of failure is not turning in work or not taking every test. The zeros we get for not submitting work are usually much worse than 'Fs.
Have we been keeping up on our work?--We can't generally get away with trying to do all of our school work (like reading, reviewing notes, and studying) right before the test. We end up with too much to do, or we find that we don't understand something that happened early in the test period that we need to know to understand something that was discussed later (and we find out that we can't understand it on our own with so little time).
How are we using our study time?--We often use study techniques like simply reading notes over and over again, which are not effective for true learning to occur.
Are we getting enough sleep, exercise, and good nutrition?--We may socialize too much or not take care of ourselves, which adds to our stress.
Are we seeking help when we need it?--We want to be independent instead of talking with the professor. We try to work things out on our own rather than going to the counseling center, the writing center, the reading center, and the learning assistance center. We don't take advantage of the tutors or work with a classmate.

The point is that we need to take the midterm grades very seriously. Many students are successful at raising their grades; however, some students find that they are too far behind and have to drop the class, and other students do not raise their grades by the end of the semester. The thing to remember is that this reality check is a strong indication that we have to change. We can't just make excuses and expect the real problem to go away. We have to take a good look at ourselves, assess where we stand in the course, and reconsider our priorities and goals. Then we need to do some things differently: establish a better work schedule, study in a distraction free environment, ask the tutors questions about the material, meet with fellow classmates once a week for review sessions, read the textbook, create practice tests, ask our professors for advice, review our notes every other day, make flash cards, etc. Are we willing to do what it takes to improve our grades? Seek advice from friends who are successful or from the support services that are available on campus. Speak with your professor and advisor if you are considering dropping a class. Dropping may be your best short term option, but it should be your last resort--it costs you money and it eats up valuable time.

Once we have experienced a reality check like this, we should figure out what lesson we need to learn so that we can avoid future reality checks of the same nature. If we have a reality check with a boyfriend or girlfriend, we will can still have a solid relationship. If our boss gives us a bad review, we can still enjoy a good career. If our check bounces, we can still straighten out our finances. If we have a bad interview, we can still find the right job. And, if we get a D/F midterm grade, we can still succeed in college. We need to figure out what lesson we need to learn. We have to be realistic about ourselves and make some changes. In the long run, these reality checks may have a positive impact on our lives; it all depends upon how well we handle the situation.