The loss of a loved one is among the most traumatic events that a person can
experience. Anyone can experience grief and loss. It can be sudden or expected; however, individuals are unique in how they experience this event. Grief, itself, is a normal and natural response to loss. There are a variety of ways that individuals respond to loss. Some are healthy coping mechanisms and some may hinder the grieving process. It is important to realize that acknowledging the grief promotes the healing process. Time and support facilitate the grieving process, allowing an opportunity to appropriately mourn this loss.
Individuals experiencing grief from a loss may choose a variety of ways of expressing it. No two people will respond to the same loss in the same way. It is important to note that phases of grief exist; however, they do not depict a specific way to respond to loss. Rather, stages of grief reflect a variety of reactions that may surface as an individual makes sense of how this loss affects them. Experiencing and accepting all feelings remains an important part of the healing process.
The grieving process usually consists of the following stages. Note that not everyone goes through all these stages.
- Initially, it might be difficult for the individual to accept the death of a loved one. As a result the person may deny the reality of death. However, the denial gradually diminishes as the individual begins to express and share his/her feelings about death and dying with other students and friends.
- During this stage the individual is angry and might feel that the world is not just and fair. The most common question asked is “why me?” The person might displace the anger onto others. When given some social support and respect, he/she will eventually become less angry and able to move into the next stage of grieving.
- Many students try to bargain with some sort of deity. They probably try to bargain and offer to give up an enjoyable part of their lives in exchange for the return of health or the lost person.
- The individual might feel guilty for things he/she did or did not do prior to the loss. It's important for the individual to be able to accept himself or herself and be able to accept his humaneness.
- There is at first the sense of great loss. Mood fluctuations and feelings of isolation and withdrawal may follow. It takes time for the grieving person, to gradually return to his old self and become socially involved in what's going on around him. Please note that encouragement and reassurance to the bereaved student will not be helpful in this stage.
- As the person goes through changes in the social life because of the loss, the person might feel lonely and afraid. The more the individual tries to make friends, the more the feeling lessens.
- Acceptance does not mean happiness. Instead the individual learns to deal with the reality of the situation.
- Eventually there is a point where remembering is less painful and the individual can begin to look ahead to the future and good times.
Death, The Final Stage of Growth . Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall, 1975 Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth
On Death and Dying. New York: MacMillan, 1969 Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth
When Bad Things Happen to Good People. New York: Schocken Books, 1981Kushner, H.S.
Disclaimer:
The material in this site is provided for personal use only and does not substitute counseling or help from a trained professional. The Eastern Illinois UniversityCounseling Center does not endorse or recommend information on these self help pages with respect to any company or product. It is specifically designed for informational and educational use to aid in awareness and resources on certain topics. We make no claims about use of this information as a treatment or replacement for professional mental health counseling. Site users are urged contact their mental health professional or contact the counseling department at 581-3413 if they wish to connect with a professional about any of these or other issues that may be distressing them.
